she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
