I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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