You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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