Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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