Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
