There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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