Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are the jesus of drinking
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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