I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's great music for shaving your balls
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
