i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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