you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize