Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
