Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
