I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
