It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
not ubering you a puppy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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