I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
