he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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