New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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