you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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