I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize