I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
