i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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