y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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