All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
