I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
