I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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