She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize