Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
