get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
