Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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