SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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