Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
