Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
