I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
