My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
