Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
