wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
