Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
