Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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