i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
