All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
