I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
