You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
