So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
