I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
