Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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