my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
