Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
