So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
