if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i will never coherently bang her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
