Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
