Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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