I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
