You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
