guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
