you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
