two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
