I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
