if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
