Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
