How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
time to smoke my breakfast
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
