I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize