Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
