Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
