Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
