i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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