Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
