THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i out mim tonsoeep
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