Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
