Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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