shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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