People with herpes should wear stickers.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
