whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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