Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
one might say we're banned from that church
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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