You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
