the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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