Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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