You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
