You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize