you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
