mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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